MOURDER MOURDER MOURDER!~!![edit | edit source]
So you want to get to killing?
Hear's your guide from an old... pro....
We begin with:
The Spacemanne's body and it's weaknesses;[edit | edit source]
SS13 is an "Immersive Simulation", which is pretentious gamedev speak for "there's some sort of homeostasis keeping the player alive". Just like in IRL, spacepersons need air to breathe, shelter from the cold and the elements, a safe diet, and an unperforated body. If your goal is murder, then interrupting those things is a good place to start!!!
BREATHIN'[edit | edit source]
Every game tick (about 2 seconds), human mobs will take a breath, and somehow also immediately exhale it. nobody knows why, but it's true. In order to thrive, our intrepid human's breath should ideally contain:
- More than 18kPa of Oxygen
- Less than 9kPa of Carbon Dioxide
- No more than a trace amount of Plasma
- No more than a trace amount of N2O
- Ideally, not too many farts.
So how the hell do you exploit that? Easy:
- Vacuum has got way less than 18kPa of Oxygen, and it's easy to find!
- It's also pretty easy to find a Canister of CO2, think about it dummy.
- Plasma's a double-whammy, it's poison and danger - but that's pretty UNSUBTLE.
- N2O is a fairly specialized gas, but it's on-station.
- Re-fried Beans Closet Technique.
You can also prevent someone from breathing by shoving them into a flooded room, or out an airlock. Be creative. Or don't! But there's a secret option:
strangling someone with a "KILL"-level grab will also prevent them from breathing.
SHELTERIN'[edit | edit source]
When you're out in space, or deep underwater, or hell even in the middle of a desert, the elements can be your greatest enemy, or your greatest ally. But since you're hear for the killin' probably the latter.
SPACE: THE LETHAL FRONTIER[edit | edit source]
While out in space, spacemannes are subjected to intense cold sharp enough to cause burns, a bitter airless void, and stellar radiation. Usually, they'll be out there with the appropriate spacegear, but lucky you, if you steal that gear, they won't have it. Which means certain death, of course. Alternatively, why not toss someone right out of a moving shuttle, or get them in a grab and fling them buck naked out into the debris field? Space - Spacewear = Dead. Comprendo? Good. No more time to waste on this shit.
Captain Bill's Shitty Ass OceanWorld[edit | edit source]
If you find yourself beneath the waves, consider letting them in.
It's a hell of a pain in the ass to get them back outside, and nobody really thinks to pack a snorkel.
Once again, knocking someone over and stealing their air tanks is a good plan here.
THE SANDY CROTCH OF HELL[edit | edit source]
Conditions on a planet's surface can vary immensely day by day and hour by hour- but some of the main hazards you can expose yourself or others to on Gehenna include:
- Extreme Heat
- Lethal levels of CO2
- Extreme Radiation
- Intense Cold
Before trying to strand someone in the desert, be sure to figure out what the weather's like. Maybe toss a monkey out there and just watch it. Through a window. You sick fuck.
DIET????????[edit | edit source]
This is a real classic for the ages. There's food all over, there's a closet full of cleaning products, just poison your mark dum dum!!
Go fetch yourself a syringe, fill it with gross ass chemicals, and slip that into a donut! piggies whon't know what hit 'em!!!
Hell, you can skip the fuckin food and just serve someone a glass full of acetone and botulism, they'll probably fucking chug it for clout.
Get something toxic, feed it to someone else, easy as shit.
THE BODY UNPERFORATED[edit | edit source]
Big Rock Crush Skull.
Sharp Rock Cut Meat.
Pointy Rock Poke Holes.
Get your hands on something sharp, heavy, pointy, or gun...y ? Approach the target, and click on them until horizontal.
How To Get Away With It[edit | edit source]
Hide.[edit | edit source]
Step 1: do not get caught. Do not leave witnesses. Move through dark areas like Maintenance, or outside, or perhaps exploit disposal chutes and teleporters- the name of the game is not being seen.
Getting anywhere without any witnesses is a tough ask, but with a little practice you can look like you belong there.
Silence.[edit | edit source]
So you've been spotted. Great.
One of you is going to end up with a short round now, but luckily for you, that's still your prerogative. If you've been caught red-handed, you still have time to act before your interloper can speak over the radio- or maybe you can talk your way out of this? Refer to the above section if you require extraordinary silence.
Lie.[edit | edit source]
Okay so that's not working- someone's already sent out the alarm, they've called your name, and people are asking questions. So what can you do? Misdirect.
- Point the finger at your witness
- Point the finger at your victim
- Point the finger at the clowne
- Claim it was always like this and actually it's your right and your duty to be murdering, actually???
- Call a lawyer.
- Point the finger at your lawyer
This entire game is a fucking tileset of paper dolls attached to the world's only combat-enabled IRC client. The stakes of the game are nothing more than words, words that say "you won", delicious, invaluable words, and you NEED to get those words at any cost. Use your silver tongue and talk your way out of it, make up 100 different stories, spin a yarn so wild you gaslight yourself into believing it, and then gloat like a mad bastard when the round end stats reveal your ruse.